I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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