I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
