i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
