She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
