I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't put those talents on a resume
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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