3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize