just come out here and I will go home with you...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
