I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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