Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
