Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They have beer where we have blood.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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