Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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