i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
