Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
