I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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