Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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