thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
