A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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