u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
