oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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