Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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