Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
pray to the hookup gods
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
