smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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