I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
