I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
