I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
