you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
