Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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