Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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