8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I faked an abortion last night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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