White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
