are you still at the devil's house?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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