i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
