I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
