Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
