Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
