we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
