so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
