Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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