He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We smell like vodka and hangover
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