Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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