a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
