Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
