Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
