im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
