If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
