Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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