How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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