O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Randomize
