so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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