so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
