i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
