I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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