your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
