i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
