so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
