First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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