i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
