shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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