im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
