It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
