i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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