her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There r osticjed everywhere
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
