I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
