low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize