My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
