I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
