Pants 0. Shit 1.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
