You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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