He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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