oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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