So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
