the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
