He asked to "fluff my boner.."
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize