theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
