sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
