dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
