So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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